Former NFL cornerback Fred Smoot was arrested and charged with driving while intoxicated on Dec. 30. He also apparently gave himself a golden shower.
The police affidavit, as first reported by Washingtonian, tells the all-too-typical tale of a driver getting behind the wheel after having too much to drink. Smoot was stopped at 3:30 a.m. for having no tags on his car, then exhibited signs of inebriation during the traffic stop. He said he “got into it with his girl,” failed a field sobriety test and was taken into custody.
Then the story takes an unexpected turn.
Via Washingtonian, which quotes Capitol Police officer Seth Carll:
Smoot told the Capitol Police officer that he’d had one drink, according to the affidavit, and agreed to a field sobriety test. During a series of tests, Smoot demonstrated “many clues of impairment,” including swaying noticeably, Carll said in the affidavit.
[...] “During processing, in the service area, while handcuffed, the [defendant] peed his pants creating a puddle on the floor,” Carll said in the affidavit. “[A police officer] witnessed the urine running down his pant leg and onto the floor. [Smoot] did not express that he had to use the restroom.”
That’s a new one.
There are so many questions unanswered. What did the police officer do after seeing this? Who cleaned it up? Did they give him a change of clothes? Is there no police lingo for “peed his pants”? I’d have figured “micturated upon his person” would sound more official. And was I the only one hoping the story ended with police finding a busted Whizzinator?
Having watched Fred Smoot play with the Washington Redskins for seven seasons, I never found him to be all that cool. He was talkative, energetic and seafaring, but cool? That’s not a word most would usually associate with Smoot. The DUI charge confirms that. But the other part? The one we excerpted?
Evidently this dude shows flashes of being Miles Freakin’ Davis.
I see said the blind man.
This is EbenGregory.com…telling you diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.
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